Garden of Courage

If life is truly built upon
The moments that we make
Then the quality of that life
Is on those that make us quake.

The moments when it seems so dark
And no one is around
Are the moments the heart will race
And tears fall with no sound.

In those moments you can sink below
Never to be found
Or pull yourself into unknowns
And rise above the ground.

Like a flower rising through the soil
You must push up with much might
For your beauty to truly blossom
When petals come into sight.

Such a pity if fear of growing
Meant the flowers never grew
And it would be an even bigger crime
If that might happen to you

So struggle hard and face your fears
Relish those knees a-quaking
For those who dare to show their blooms
The world is ripe for the taking.

- Kristin Booker 5.10.09

25 Things That Really P*&^ Me Off

1. If you ride public transportation, there is such a thing as personal space. There’s no reason to practically sit on someone’s lap and read a newspaper with your elbow in someone’s face and then not make eye contact when they’re trying to get your attention. The person you’re irritating might know kung fu and then what does that get you? Boot to the head, that’s what.

2. If you’re making evil eyes at the woman who is trying to get an irritated child to be quiet, you are part of the problem. Of COURSE she wants the baby to be quiet and calm as much as you do so making her feel badly that a baby who doesn’t understand rationale can’t be reasoned with isn’t helping anyone. If she or the baby know kung fu, that’s your ass, my friend.

3. Chewing with your mouth open and smacking gum loudly in public is grounds for immediate dismissal. I will personally ask Chuck Norris to rub you out for this. Chuck knows kung fu.

4. I know that I have light skin and almond-shaped eyes. Every day someone asks me what nationality I am. I’m an American. The sex lives of my progenitors are none of your business.

5. Please do not stand on the sidewalk here in New York while I am obviously rushing to an appointment and try to get me to sign a petition for whatever cause it is. If I am strolling and amendable, that’s great but if I’m in a full-on sprint in heels with my hair on fire and you jump into my path to get me to stop, I’m obviously going to be less sympathetic to your cause. I also might know kung fu and this could lead to a messy conflict.

6. Please do not ask me to add fish to your Blue Cove, play in a Mafia War or otherwise play other Facebook application reindeer games. That was cute when Facebook was new but now that all of us have 10,000 friends and the whole face of the application changed and blew our whole world to shit we have less time for these things. Other than random quizzes or top 5 rankings which I can do on my own, I’m going to hit “ignore.”

7. When did it become ok for two people to have an entire conversation unrelated to a thread on a post? Take that offline or I will have ninjas come to your house, tie you together, and force you to talk it out.

8. If someone is obviously a heavier weight than you, don’t stare at them or zoom your eyes in on a part of their body that is somewhat larger than yours. This also goes for people who point and make judgments about people who are very thin. This is the social faux pas equivalent of staring at a woman’s breasts while she is speaking to you: it’s not okay and it makes everyone uncomfortable. Everyone knows what you’re thinking and being judgmental doesn’t make you look hotter. Get over it.

9. Don't receive an invitation and not reply at all. "Yes," "No" or even a "Maybe" takes less than a second to click and it makes everyone's lives easier. A bigger faux pas: don't accept invitations to meet someone somewhere and stand them up.

10. There are no such things are "frenemies." There are people who care for you, people who do not care for you and people who are indifferent until it becomes advantageous for them to use you to further their own interests, then they will become indifferent again. Be careful when selecting your friends: hire slowly, fire quickly.

11. I need the Jennifer Aniston-Angelina Jolie thing to just die. Let’s face the facts: Brad Pitt is not going back to Jennifer Aniston even if he and Angelina don’t make it. This happened four years ago. How is this still a news story? Everyone needs to move on.

12. That also being said, if everyone stopped putting so much attention on Jennifer Aniston finding a good guy she might actually find one. How many men out there would just adore the media onslaught of romancing America’s sweetheart? Show of hands? Yeah, that’s what I thought.

13. The commentary as to whether or not gay marriage can exist but Spencer Pratt and Heidi Montag are allowed to get married? Give me a break.

14. I recently had someone with whom I haven’t spoken since college ask me to give them some free clothes from a major fashion label. Did that really happen? Request for swag from someone to whom you have not spoken in over 15 years = FAIL.

15. When you tell people that they don’t look their age or that they look good for their age that perpetuates the fear of aging. People who don’t “look their age” are usually the ones the least concerned with their age. Look at Lauren Hutton and Iman and tell me that growing old gracefully isn’t the hottest thing out there.

16. Putting someone in a situation where you take advantage of their good nature or willingness to help just creates huge piles of bad karma. Set them free or simply be fair to them. The last thing the world needs is another jaded person.

17. Just because someone is not married doesn’t mean they aren’t happy. Just because someone is married doesn’t mean they are happy. Do not transfer your ideas of happiness onto others.

18. Do not use your influence to make people uncomfortable just because you can. Bullies are so last century and bad managers create a trickle-down effect. Let’s face it: some people suck as bosses. Step aside and quit making people miserable.

19. People make mistakes. When people make a lot of mistakes it usually means they’re freaked out trying not to make mistakes. If you trust people not to make mistakes and are gentle with them when they make them, quality will usually improve. The quality of someone’s work doesn’t improve with added noise and pressure.

20. Leaving cruel sniper comments on blogs under anonymous pseudonyms is pathetic. Put your name, address and phone number on there so whoever wrote the entry or the subject they're writing about can contact you for follow-up. Then you'll have my respect.

21. Rarely is a persona created by the entertainment industry a “role model” for anyone. There is a human being underneath all the smoke and mirrors and eventually they will disappoint. Do not look for the media and public figures to be role models. Teachers, people in public service and the military who sacrifice their lives to make sure we can put rants like this on Facebook are the real heroes. Even better, be your own hero.

22. If you’re in a relationship and you know someone who is single, don’t say things like “You’ll find them when you’re not looking” or wax on about how perfect your relationship with your significant other might be. Influence them to just be happy and all sorts of cool things will happen. Again, not everyone’s definition of happy is the same and if they know kung fu, they might come to your house and kick your ass.

23. I’m in a long-distance relationship with a guy who lives in another state. Consistently asking me who is moving is not helpful. Right now neither of us is moving until we learn enough kung fu to start opening cans of frosty cold whoop-ass on people who keep asking us who is moving.

24. I recently asked for some innocent advice from someone in my field who felt it necessary to basically try to decimate my dreams of writing by making me seem wholly unqualified to even pursue this career. That is cruel and unusual punishment for someone who asks your opinion because they respect your work. When someone asks for advice, it is the ultimate compliment. Be kind with the dreams of others. Karma is a bitch, people. There’s more than enough success to go around.

25. At the end of the day, be kind and respectful. We’re all out here just trying to get along and we’ve got the right to live and love the way we want. Besides, keep pushing and you might just discover which of us really knows kung fu.

Believe In Yourself

"Let every man or woman here, if you never hear me again, remember this, that if you wish to be great at all, you must begin where you are and with what you are. He who would be great anywhere must first be great in his own Philadelphia." - Russel H. Conwell

One of the toughest but greatest lessons you will ever learn in life is to accept yourself when things aren’t going well. In a world full of advertisements, diets negative images and snarky people telling you that you are not acceptable the way you are, it can make a bad situation even worse. Sometimes it seems that everybody is having a better life than you because, hey, everywhere you look there’s a message telling you how inadequate you are but you’d be happier if you would just look/sound/be like something or someone else. When times are tough, looking outside yourself for approval and/or support is dangerous because it’s like eating really nasty snacks when you have tooth decay: it might feel okay at the onset but you risk further damage.

Accepting and loving yourself when things aren’t going well is not easy. When things are going well it’s ridiculously simple to look at yourself and think the best. But when times are tough and you’re not exactly your own example of excellence at that moment, you can turn on yourself. What you don’t realize is that self-hatred is the cancer that causes the most damage: if you are who you are relying on to get you into better times but you don’t trust yourself, then you’ve ultimately expect to fail. It is at the times where it’s the hardest to love yourself that you must dig deep, really accept the facts and believe in who you are. You might not be where you really feel you should be right now but accepting who you are at your darkest moment gives you the strength to move into better times.

Someone asked me recently how you get to a point where you really, truly love yourself when things aren’t rosy. I honestly don’t have a magic bullet but I try to just accept where I am at that moment and focus on the things I like about myself that will get me out of the situation. You can’t hate everything about yourself all the time. Get zen, take a yoga class, get a small serving of ice cream, head to the mountains – whatever it takes for you to get some space and clarity to think. Realize that tomorrow is another day, things will get better and try and figure out how to change your circumstances so you can look back on this situation someday. Staying focused on what’s next is my best advice to getting out of a currently negative right now.

You are in charge of what’s next in your life and most important you teach others how to treat you. They will follow your lead by watching how you manage and take care of yourself. If you care for yourself poorly, guess what’s going to happen? Lead by example by treating yourself well, stand tall and the rest of the world will take notice.

I know that believing in yourself is possibly the hardest thing you will ever do but trust me when I tell you that a little belief in yourself goes a long way to making you a very happy person. People always tell you to have faith so I’ll add another one on here: faith in yourself is where it has to start. If the Divine works through you, you must believe that you are capable of doing whatever is asked of you and that requires you to put your faith in only one person: you.

Find A New Mountain

Lord, I don't ask for a faith that would move yonder mountain. I can take enough dynamite and move it, if it needs movin'. I pray, Lord, for enough faith to move me.-- Norman Allen

Hello, all. I apologize it has been a while since I’ve written. A lot has happened since I last wrote in the craze and haze of all things Obama. Let’s get down to why we’re here, shall we?

Those of you who have been subscribers to the Slide Poems for a long time know that I carry a rock in my purse called Mountain. I called it Mountain when I found it because it reminded me that even that small piece of earth at some point could aspire to be something great. You might laugh at that thought but seriously: if you’re an ant and you saw this six inch rock staring at you, that’s a mountain to you. It’s all in the perspective, trust me.

I’ve thought quite a bit about Mountain lately. When I’m pondering a large decision or feeling somewhat uncomfortable about something, I find myself holding the rock in my hand and rubbing my fingers on it. The same concept as a worry stone, it helps me keep my nervous energy in check when I’m in a situation that’s generally uncomfortable. Someone once told me that when you’re uncomfortable it usually means that something great is coming. I’m sure all of us can agree that if this is the case, the general population at large is way overdue for an overwhelming wave of good fortune because I don’t know too many of us that are extremely cozy in our current circumstances.

When I was out for a run the other day, a larger rock caught my attention, one shaped just like Mountain except it took up the entire length of my hand. I can’t tell you why it caused me to stop mid-run and pick it up. It’s heavier than Mountain and I obviously can’t carry it with me everywhere but place it in my hand I did and kept running. I found myself thinking about the issues of the day and found myself rubbing my fingers on its surface. A thought occurred to me: perhaps it was time for me to find another Mountain.

At a time where most of us are challenged with career, love, home and financial woes on a scale of which none of us are familiar, these issues can seem insurmountable. We look at our problems from the perspective of that ant I was talking about earlier: we feel we need to move that rock because we’re failures if we don’t do so. We feel we’ve failed our families, our loved ones and ourselves if we cannot make our lives into what it used to be or what we dreamed it should become: prosperous, comfortable, familiar - whatever. What if it’s time for us to look in another direction? What if this time in our own personal history is a sign to adjust our views of what it is we really want?

When your job or marriage or other things are taken away from you, it’s hard not to suffer through that loss. But then stop and think: perhaps those things were not for you. Something I have come to learn in life is that the things you have in life that feel the best, that no one can ever take away from you are meant to be yours: the friendships that last forever, the career that feels so effortless that you could do it all day for free if you could, the time spent curled in the arms of someone who loves you. Sometimes we spend so long looking at this mountain of woe that we refuse to perceive that maybe that’s not our mountain to climb. If you stop and think about it, how long were you pushing that boulder wanting it to move the way you wanted it to move? How long will we stare at what could have been, what we believe we were owed because we followed the rules? A novel concept: what if we’re supposed to stop, rest, regroup and then figure out what makes us the happiest, the most fulfilled and go find that mountain? Instead of trying to figure out how to get things back, how about we figure out how to get things
FORWARD?

The most frustrating part of this is the lack of praise we deny ourselves for climbing the mountains we have climbed! We are all works in progress, living life to the best of our ability. We have tried and accomplished much yet we continually focus on our failures and the work left to be done. If you gaze at your life as a series of mountain climbs, you will see that you are quite accomplished. Stop staring at life as only the seemingly impossible tasks ahead. Sometimes peering back to see how you accomplished the tasks you’ve completed will give you some perspective on how to move forward with grace and renewed energy. History can truly teach us something.

I brought my new Mountain home to remind me that sometimes when I think that things are going a little too rough or I focus on the things that are no longer mine, I have only to think of the mountains I have already climbed and remember that if this mountain is not mine to climb, I will find a new mountain. My little Mountain remains in my purse to remind me of how far I have come, my new larger Mountain sits next to my bed to remind me that there are new bigger dreams to discover and it is my job to remember to pace myself between the two. The most important thing these two rocks continue to reinforce is the understanding that like these two pieces of ageless earth, I am here to stay and I’m not going anywhere…and neither are you.

25 Things I Wish We All Knew About Life

We’ve been playing this game lately on Facebook where everyone makes this list of twenty five random things that they wish people knew about them. It’s been a very enlightening exercise. In light of my own experiences in life, I thought I would share an additional list with the Slide Poem community. Here are twenty five things I wish most of us knew about life.

1) I said in my Facebook list that there is a moment in everyone’s life where they know their destiny, where time stops and your breath is taken away from you. Everyone’s moment is deeply personal to them. I hope everyone has moments in their lives often that take their breaths away. Live for those glimpses of greatness. They define you.

2) Live your life with a purpose in mind. I lived my life for over fifteen years in a career that taught me a lot but I was spiritually bankrupt for most of it. The minute I walked away from that career to write is when I truly believe I began to live life with purpose. The best signals I can give you that you’re living life with purpose are: you rarely need an alarm clock to get out of bed, you honestly don’t mind going to “the office,” and you’ve got to think of bigger and better dreams to get to sleep.

3) Do not shirk your responsibilities to other people. We all fall down, admitted, but don’t believe you are too busy. Most of the time it’s because you don’t want to do it. Own up to the issues, come to some resolution and stop making commitments you can’t meet. My grandfather always said that you’re as good as your word. Don’t waste your word on unwanted commitments.

4) Do not play with other people’s affections. If someone genuinely gives you affection, that is the most heartfelt, valuable gift that anyone can ever give to you, their time and attention come a close second and third to this. If their affection is not something you desire, carefully and politely give it back to them unopened. It’s like any other gift: don’t tear it open with abandon in front of someone and then reject it because it’s not something you want. Be careful with the gift of a heart.

5) That being said, if you believe you have given this gift of your own heart to someone who does not deserve it, be stout enough to accept this fact and move on with your life. Do not demand answers, do not hold grudges, do not yell, scream or argue. Nurture that wounded place in your soul. You’ll later come to recognize people more worthy of your gifts.
6) If people tell you that they are not good for you, believe them. They are doing you a favor. Thank them profusely, move on and don’t look back. It’s a kindness you should repeat if you are ever in their place in the future.

7) Looking back in anger usually results in a sore neck and wreckage before you in some way.

8) The greatest judgment of your character is when a child chooses to take your hand. This is the greatest responsibility any of us will ever know. Treat this assessment with care. Children are wiser than we are and betraying their trust is the greatest crime I know.

9) There are many theories as to how long it takes to mend a broken heart. My theory is that it is directly proportionate to the amount of time you spend in service to others. Every time you extend your hand to better another person’s life, you cannot help but better your own.

10) I have never been married but I would like for the person who asks me to be his wife to slip the ring on my finger and instead of saying, “Will you marry me?” to say, “I would like to trust you with this. Will you let me?” It’s not that I would lose the ring but there’s a huge significance that comes with that piece of jewelry and the amount of trust involved in it.

11) I have learned that acts of violence plant a cancer in the mind and body that is deeply difficult to cure. Having been the victim of a few of these acts, know that there are people who live their lives like caged animals in bars made of memories where other people have placed them due to senseless acts of brutality. These crimes are cruel. Do nothing yourself to cause another person to live like that.

12) Do not play games with people who are wounded and deal in games. It’s like playing emotional unavailability chess with Bobby Fischer. You cannot win. Move on.

13) Every day you should do something that makes you laugh. It cures pretty much everything.

14) The mind is a fragile ecosystem. The more toxins you pour into it, the less beauty comes out of it. You might not be able to undo what you have already done but making really good memories tends to clean out the nastiness that might be up there.

15) Usually the thing you fear the most is much less painful in reality. The imagination is considerably more terrorizing. Face your fears.

16) Life is too short to deal with people who insult you or generally make you miserable. If these people are in your life, clean house. The air is better without them breathing down your neck anyway.

17) There are times when money will be tight. Keep plowing the field and eventually you’ll find fertile land for your seedlings. Not every plant can grow in every place.

18) Forgiving others their trespasses makes room for better people and times to come. You can’t move forward if you have one foot stuck behind you. Do what you have to do to free yourself and move on.

19) Someone once said that kisses aren’t contracts. I think that partially right. I think the only contract you should make after a kiss is that if everyone agrees, there should be another kiss after that. I think anything more advanced requires more time and possibly a mediator or third party.

20) If you have to ask your friends’ opinions about what they think about what he or she said or didn’t say or what they think the meaning behind what he or she did or didn’t do, you already know the answer.

21) It is also true that if you are asking your friends and family for advice about someone else, you’re asking the wrong people. The only person who is qualified to give you answers is usually the person you’re asking about.

22) If someone asks you a question, answer it. Lives spent in half-truths, deceit or withholding information are irritating for everyone and they make the rest of us really angry. Answer the damned question honestly and let’s all move on with our lives.

23) If there is something you don’t like about yourself, look around: nine times out of ten there is someone in your life who reminds you of this on a regular basis. Either accept whatever it is about yourself or change your behavior. Either of these solutions is easier to deal with than the constant presence of someone in your life whose sole purpose it seems is to remind you that something about yourself sucks.

24) Do not accept people into your heart unless you’re willing to accept them as they are. Eyes wide open in the beginning is much better than eyes open in panic and surprise when you figure out you can’t change them and it’s too late.

25) Your body, mind and soul are precious cargo. Stop doing things to hurt or sabotage the gifts you’ve been given. There is no force on earth more glorious or stronger than a human being intact and operating at peak performance. Feed your mind and spirit well and life will literally throw the doors open in welcome. Any other activities will ensure that they remain partially cracked or completely shut.

1.20.09

Sing a song of history
That will ring across this land.
Dance the dance of happiness
That we may celebrate our day…
Kiss the lips of blessed ones
So the celebration may continue,
Embrace the person to your side
So the passion is contagious.
Feel the light within your heart
Keep it burning for all time…
Bask in the glow of hope
For its grace, it shines upon us.
Hear the words that are spoken
For the truth, its bells are ringing.
Prepare now for the future
Our time has now begun.
--- Kristin Booker

An Ode to My Elders: The Inauguration of Barack Obama

I was born to tell the stories of the dreams of dreamers past buried in my bones. I have memories of a childhood spent on the laps of great grandparents and elder relatives who were determined the next generation would know their struggles but also their happiness, that the joys they knew in poverty in West Virginia would pale in comparison to the experiences yet known of the babies held in their arms. I was told that as a young Black woman my path may be complicated but that I would know great things in my life if I worked hard, studied life in addition to books, learned to read and set my footing fast to make sure nothing could sway me from my path.

I carry artifacts of our brief times on earth, from the Bible given to me by my great-grandfather Adams to the simple kisses and lessons taught under the sweet-smelling neck of my paternal grandmother, Dorothy Adams Booker. I understand now as a grown woman everything that woman ever said to me, the hours she spent pouring her knowledge of love, of strength, of pride into my little ears because she knew our time together was short. My maternal grandfather, Leonard Carl Hale, taught me how to dance by placing me on his feet because it was correct for a girl to know how to dance properly. He told me that I could be anything I wanted to be and he would always be proud of me as long as I was the absolute best at whatever I attempted. As their bodies failed them, I’d like to think they had greater work to do than an earthly body could contain.

As I grew up, I had experiences with racism like all other children of color. I was banned from coming inside during a birthday party to use the bathroom because a mother was afraid I would steal her silverware. I went to a skating party as a young girl and the family didn’t want me to touch the food the other kids were eating. The first young man I ever fell for couldn’t date me because his mother didn’t approve of interracial relationships. The list goes on and every time something like this would happen, I would think of my grandparents and those who went before me who had endured so much more. Spirit breaking at times, I tell you they gathered together over my earthly ears and whispered, “Rise. Rise again.” So I did.

With the events leading to the inauguration of Barack Obama as the 44th President of the United States, the country they loved so dearly, I can imagine the choir of spirits who will illuminate this day by the sheer joy of those who view this historic event. It is a moment in our history where we should take a moment to breathe and recognize the healing. We as a country have said that, differences aside, we will support this man to lead us, regardless of the color of his skin. I’ll be watching along with most of the world as someone who has been brave in the face of adversity takes the most powerful position on Earth and leads us in what is undoubtedly one of the most challenging times in our history. I will take a day and bask in the glow of our collective joy.

Make no mistake; there is much work to be done. While the balance of prejudice might be shifting, it is not gone. There are many among us who are still not free to love the way they choose. We have an economic situation that dampens the dreams and spirits of hardworking Americans. There is a long road to giving our children a shot at competing in the global marketplace. Our teachers and public servants should be our celebrities. Our homes should rightfully ours and intelligently purchased. The dreams we have for our children must be realized. We have miles to go before we sleep.

So, for tomorrow, the little girl from West Virginia will take a moment to watch my dreams and the dreams of those who came before me come true and view a hope we almost never dared to speak come to fruition. But the morning after, I like many others will hear that gathering over my ear, telling me that this is another day, that there is much work to be done and that today is the day to begin. They will whisper sweetly, “Rise. Rise again.”